making our writing better

Our friend Lynette had a story that was just telling us instead of showing us

This is her writting

On a Saturday night with a beautiful sunset me and my friend paulah went to go swim with some West Indian Manatee. First we put on our swimming togs. Then we skipped our way to the water. We could already see some West Indian Manatee. We could hear a nice breeze. It was going through our hair. There was a beautiful splashing noise which was the waves and the changing tide. I could feel the cold water and the seaweed between my toes. While we were swimming with the West Indian Manatee, I felt a light touch to my arm under the water. I tried to hold my breath under the water to see what it was, and what I saw was amazing to look at. It was a West Indian Manatee touching my arm. When I got back up to the top of the water I saw that Paulah already had a friend which was a West Indian Manatee.

So we fixed it up but this time we showed it instead of telling us and we think ( jin, lynette and me) that we should share our story with use so here is the story that we have did today.

This is our (jin, lyentte and me) writing

On Saturday night, my friend Paulah and I sat under a blanket of warmth which streamed down from the setting sun. In the distance we saw the grey back of what we could only assume was some different kind of mammal. It looked a bit like a mermaid! With excitement, we looked at each other and realised we had the same idea. We pulled our togs quickly out of our bags and whipped them on! Then we skipped our way to the water.

We could hear a fresh calming breeze and it was flowing gently through our hair. There was a beautiful splashing noise which was the waves and the changing tide. I could feel the cold water and the seaweed squelched between my toes.

Suddenly the mermaid-like creature surrounded us.
I could feel a light swift movement brush over my arm. I tried to hold my breath under the water to see what it was, and what I saw was amazing to look at. It was a West Indian Manatee touching my arm.

When I came back up for air I saw that Paulah had a massive grin that had spread across her face. At once, I knew that she had also seen the beautiful creature that I had just witnessed.

Thursday: Writing Task

A great white shark is a massive fish it has a powerful jaw and strong fins and a strong tail and vicious eyes long snout black eyes scaly tail hard and slimy skin curiosity face sharp teeth extremely hungry and a little clingy. Big splashes rough like sandpaper deep sea waters massive fins famous huge aggressive teeth greedy and hungry look in his face long jaw remarkably huge thorny teeth a single bite your gone fierce powerful tail empty stomach wise brain silent grey truly enormous ordinary blue remarkably hungry evil looking strange smile ten foot meanest evil looking stormy night guilty expression hungry deep sea enormous airborne long bodied predatory biggest nastiest bully great dead shadowy cold stomach. Biggest eyes massive mouth huge and pointy snout loud bite huge bite marks humongous tail. Big fins, huge nose, bad eyesight, good hearing, bad to humans, good swimming loud.

I had to write 150 word describing a shark and here it is.

Wednesday: Writing Task

One dark and stormy night where the clouds were grumbling with thunder and lightning. A giant pacific octopus with slimy and scaly tentacles heard a squishy noise that kept coming closer and closer. Every night the sound went louder and louder until that night the octopus had no choice but to squirt ink everywhere but all it saw was a light and flippers coming from the opening of his cave.

The octopus slithered to the entry of his cave and as he kept on slithering he went pale from every step he took. He tried to forget about when he went to bed but he couldn't. In the morning he went to his other friends and told them what he saw but they never believed they thought he was crazy because when he was talking he kept on getting nervous and nervous.

His eyes kept on getting wider, he turned bright pink and his tentacles kept on moving around like he was a spider wave his hand with all 6 legs while he was making his web. While they were talking and chatting about him he tried to find the thing that he saw last night. He went on shore and found a tiny foot step he followed them and it led him to this big humongous house his eyes went huger and his face turned yellow.

He went inside the huge house slowly. Suddenly he heard talking coming from a room that had a chandelier and everything else was just incredible. Then he heard footsteps and quickly ran in this room that had all kinds of seafood like fish crab and worse of all his own kind. He got caught by a little girl who was smiling with evilness. She was one of the evil stepsisters in Cinderella.

She was like a little baby that has been sucking on its thumb for 45 years. She grabbed him by the wrist and his face went red and his tentacles suddenly flopped down and his whole body went blue.

His eyes went small again and his head flopped. The girl went to her dad who was a marine expert and asked him if she could keep him but the dad said no with his eyes all crushed up and his stomach growling. He went to put him in the ocean and before he did that the octopus remembered that thing that was in his ink and he quickly told his friend when he got back in that he saw him and they finally believed him. The end

Monday: Writing Task

One lovely day I went diving with my dad for a holiday. It was my first time doing it in Samoa. I love the ocean especially the animals in the it I’ve never seen a turtle before up close but today was the day I finally get to.

So we got suited up and got or scuba gear on and went on a boat to the middle of the ocean. When we got there we got ready to dive in. We sat at the end of the boat backwards and fell back into the water.

\We dived in and went to a small spot that had lots of fish in it. Suddenly we heard g crying nearby so we followed the sound. We found a green turtle stuck in a net so we helped him out a little and he got free.


I wanted to know what kind of sea turtle was it. Then I remember during school we learnt about sea creatures and what kind are there. I remembered that we also learnt about green sea turtles. I also remembered that they live in warm waters and eat seaweed. I gave some seaweed to him and he ate it straight away.


That when I knew it was a green sea turtle. When I swam back to the boat my dad grabbed me and said on a speaker that the turtle was following me so I went back and swam with him.

Thursday: Writing Task

Wednesday: Writing Task

The man went to see who was still alive but there were only two men alive and there were only the dogs that were barking loudly because their owners had died. That was the saddest day During war, dogs were very useful to the soldiers. They Are really good at smelling sense like looking for exclusives. They are also good at hearing sound, like if someone is endangered, the dog could smell them or hear them crying for help.

One foggy and dark morning, while they were at war a German shepherd was on the lookout for any guns or bombs. Suddenly he heard a loud notice coming from the middle of the field. He rang the alarm and everybody went outside and got ready for war, they got their guns out and the grenades and put their bullets beside them.

They started war and they kept on fighting and fighting until it was over the dogs helped them by sniffing and sniffing all around. The captain yelled and put ‘’ hold’’ a man came running up with an entire army beside them and they all ran toward the army. A man threw a bomb at a young man who had been shot by the leg.

A dog dashed over to him and held him by trying to push him away. It was too late the dog let go because he had tripped over a rock and hit his paw. The dog felt sorry and went to find the captain but he had got shot. He went to his owner and saw him trying to contact anyone but there was no signal.

That was the saddest day of their lives and they could never forget. That is why we always celebrate for them in remembrance of those soldiers who had died during war. Some died to by trying to protect their captain.

Aftermath Interviews

T

Sinking Ship

One dark night while everybody was sleeping, I received a distress call and they said to look out for Ice and I went to see the captain, I told everybody to try and see if there were any Icebergs. Then we hit something and I told the captain to tell the crew to see if there were any Icebergs ahead. Suddenly we all went to the front side of the boat and saw that we had hit a Iceberg.


Next we woke everybody and told everybody to go on a lifeboat so everybody got onto one and put the children on first. I put all of the children then put the women on it. I found a little girl screaming for help so I went to help her, then a man appeared and told me to get on the boat but I didn't care. I went to get the little girl crying in the corner of the gas room.


I grabbed the little girl and told her to hurry and get on the boat so we ran to jump in the boat and we made it. I heard the little girl shout ‘’mummy’’ so I went to find her mum. I went to every side of the boat but she was nowhere. I told the little girl that I couldn't find her and told her that she probably went on another lifeboat.



We got to shore and told the little girl to check if her mum was there but she was not on any of the boats and the little girl started to cry. I grabbed her hand and told her not to cry and I kept on looking at all those people drowning in the ocean so I grabbed the little girl's hand and told her to grab onto me. Then she told me to see if her dad was there. Then I bellowed ‘’ has anyone seen this little girl's father?


One person came up to me and said ‘’ darling is that you and she said ‘’papa is that you’’. I gave her to her father and told him that the mother didn't make it so I gave the little girl to her father. They went home and had a nice dinner and I went home too and had a nice rest.


10 years later I found the little girl while I was getting some food for me and my dog. I told her to tell her father to say hi for me. She grabbed my hand and told her father to invite me for dinner and I said yes. We had a nice afternoon and told her to never forget her mother. I had a nice dinner with them and then I went home happily and fed my dog when I got there.

Iceberg Ahead

One dark and rainy night. I was sailing the boat while everybody was sleeping. I was the captain of the Titanic, in the middle of the Atlantic ocean me and my crew received a distress phone call, about a warning for icebergs, we didn't care about that. We thought the titanic was unsinkable. We received another phone call but we still didn't listen.

Two of my men spotted something out of nowhere and bellowed ‘’Iceberg right ahead’’ he called me to come outside and take a look but I didn't listen. I was listening to loud music and drinking some juice to keep me awake. Frederick fleet called out on the speaker to tell everyone to wake up. Everybody woke up and listened to Frederick but I called out ‘’ nobody listen to him. He's lying, nobody listened to him. They all went back to bed.

Suddenly the boat bumped into something, everybody woke up and ran outside to take a look. There was a humongous Iceberg. I told everybody to get out of the boat and go in the life boats so everybody went on one but some couldn't fit because me and my crew only brought 20 lifeboats.

The people put all the children on one boat with only one adult, the men put all the ladies on another and they kept on doing it over and over there was only one boat left so they all went in it could only fit 70 people in it so they put all the people that have families in it. Then the boat was sinking faster so they quickly got on and got to shore. They tried going back but it was too late and they couldn't make it. 

The whole entire boat went in the water, some people didn't make it. 3 years later, they all grew up still remembering what had happened. It was a miserable night and they all missed those who hadn't survived. Journalists went where the boat was and they dived underneath and found the titanic ship and collected some things to put in a museum. The End.

Baby Caiman

One lovely day a baby caiman hatched from its egg the first thing that came out was a huge eye picking out and then legs came out and the claws were so cute that I just wanted to hug it after the claws came out the whole egg broke into pieces. After that excited thing happened I grabbed it to put it in the lake but it didn't want to go anywhere so I went to the shops to buy a tank and then I went to the river nearby and got some water and I got it and placed it in the tank then I ran home to decorate it.


After that I put him into the tank and found him sleeping at my front door so I picked him up and placed him too in the tank and put the tank in my room. Then he woke up and found himself in the tank lying on a rock that I put there. So his smile went bigger and bigger so I picked him up and put him on my bed.

Next he went off and tried to go out of the house but he could not so I went to help him and he just longer so I quickly went outside to put him in the lake but he still would not listen so I just placed him in the river and ran crying but then I stopped to look at him and he was gone with his real mother. So I went back and waved goodbye and he went with his mum happily.

Then I called my mum to come look and she called the whole entire news apartment to come and look at him then suddenly he and his mum were surrounded by people then he started to get poke by a stick and people started copying the person he did it so his mum called the father and everyone ran away because of the father growled at them and then someone called the animal inspector then I told them to run and don’t come back but then something grabbed his neck and dragged him to a big white van.

Suddenly a girl called the government and told them to announce that no one is allowed to catch any black caiman ever again so they didn't for ten years. The little girl grew up and every weekend or holiday she would go visit them and feed them a lot of food for hours and just pat the little baby. They the baby was no longer a baby he grew up but he would always remember the girl who called the government and me. The End

Discovery of Chocolate

One day at the palace I discovered the Aztecs' top secret about their Mysterious Chocolate. While I was just wandering around I found a basement behind a picture with steep stairs so I decided to go down and take a look but when I got there all I saw was chocolate chocolate everywhere. So I unwrapped one and ate it then I fainted from the goodness. Then I woke up and wondered what would happen if I went back.

 I only had two thoughts of what would happen, the first one was that my family will become famous for discovering that their chocolate was made out of cocoa beans. My second thought was that they would make a statue of the chocolate that I found. So I went back and told everyone that the main ingredient was cocoa beans then they all screamed loud but asked where the chocolate was.

 Then I realised I forgot to bring a box of chocolate with me so I went back in time and found a box so I went down the stairs again and got all the chocolate and put it in the box. After that I ran back upstairs and went to get my time machine and go back to give them the box. Then I hid and they found me and told me where the chocolate was so I gave them it and they screamed yay so we were all happy.

Facts about Ancient Egypt

Egypt Facts

Cruella de Vil's car

Tom Riddle at Hogwarts

One nice sunny day a little boy Tom Riddles was so excited to go to Hogwarts School of witchcraft that he went so early to the train station then he saw the train and it stopped and he was told to get off the train and line up ready to be taken into Hogwarts. Then he arrives on the train at Hogwarts on the train to be sorted into a house he was so scared that he got separated from his friends he just met. Then he made it to the school and found a student there and asked her if she could show him the way so she did.

 When they got there she showed him where they are welcoming the new students like him. When  he got there he went to sit next to his friends and he saw the mistress handing out hats. Then she announced the teams they were in so she got a hat and made it talk with her wand and it said peoples names and told them what group they were in.

 After that they all went to bed and before they did they went for a tour around the school Then after a long day of school they went to bed peacefully. Then in the morning they woke up and had breakfast. After that they were told to go to class so they did.

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